That's not my job!

 
I came across this serendipitously as I have been recently banging my head against a brick wall trying (and failing) to get traction from a group of people organising a project who just don't want to listen or take ownership for their own actions, or more particularly, their lack of action (or communication). Witty and apt description of how I'm feeling, but... ARRGH!

===============

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
 

The Green Thing

 
Interesting look at the issue of eco-conservation from the perspectives of the different generations.

===============

In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."

He was right – our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts – wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house – not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?) not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.

We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then? Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.
 

Management vs. Engineering (or any other technical discipline)

 
The Balloonist

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man out walking below. He descended a bit more and shouted: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied: "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground, between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an Engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist: "Everything you have told me is probably technically correct. But I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip by your talk."

The man below responded, "Ah, you must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

The man replied: "Well, you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep. You expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met. But now, somehow, it's all supposed to be my fault."
 

Fun for lexophiles

 
I have learned a couple foreign languages in my time with varying degrees of success - I found French pretty easy but struggled with German grammar rules (and Irish was just awful). That said, I don't envy ANYBODY having to learn English as a foreign language and contend with so many subtleties, nuances and exceptions. Here are just some examples :-)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. A chicken crossing the road; poultry in motion.

6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

10. A calendar's days are numbered.

11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

13. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison; a small medium at large.

14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

15. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen the mall.

16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

21. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He had too much pi.

22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

27. Two silk worms had a race; they ended up in a tie.

28. A hole has been found in a nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center: "Keep off the Grass."

32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "no change yet."

33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

34. Don't join dangerous cults; practice safe sects.
 

Cheap flights (Keeping the air fair - part 3)

 
Delightfully satirical ditty by singing/cabaret group, Fascinating Aida (wikipedia) (official site). Says it all really... can you guess who they're on about?


 

Life's rules

 
An e-rumour attributed the following comments to Bill Gates in an alleged speech to a group of US high school graduates. In fact they are the work of Charles Sykes and excerpted from his book 50 Rules Kids Won't Learn In School. He makes some interesting commentary on how feel-good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality (personally I would also include respect and "fear") and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.

• Rule #1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

• The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

• You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

• If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

• Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.

• If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault. So don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

• Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

• Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

• Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

• Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

• Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

 

iStuff

 
Really bad joke that made me chuckle :-)

Got my son an iPhone for his birthday the other week, recently got my daughter an iPod for hers, was dead chuffed when the family clubbed together and bought me an iPad for Father’s Day. Got my wife an iRon for her birthday and it was around then that the fighting started...
 

Visa woes

 
Friday 27th November

My short trip to Bali hasn't started well.

My original 1-year visa to Australia expired today. The intent was to leave Australia for a few days during which time I'll obtain a visitor visa enabling me to return for a week to referee another NSW Touch State Cup before I had to leave for good. I'd arrived at this plan following hours of research and also advice given to me on the phone by the immigration office - but naturally there was an uncommunicated technicality as there always seems to be with these things...

JetStar won't let me fly - this bombshell coming after I've queued for three quarters of an hour and with only 5 minutes left until check in closes. I don't think I've ever had panic and despair set in more quickly in my life. The reason I'm not being denied boarding is because I have a return ticket to Australia but am not yet in possession of a valid visa to get back into the country. But I am neither allowed nor able to apply for that visa unless I am off-shore... talk about a case of "chicken and egg"?! I'm moved to JetStar's service desk where despite being rather shaken I'm actually managing to remain reasonably calm. The service desk supervisor re-confirms my situation. Frustration builds but I suppress it as to be fair to her she's under legal direction and she's being as understanding as she can, besides which it would do no good. She asks if I have a ticket out of Australia to which I reply December 8th. She suggests to change my return flight from Bali to December 7th, this way I could fly today and also return to Sydney airport "in transit" because I would be leaving the country again within short timeframe. I try to explore other options with her but it soon becomes clear that this is the only way I'm getting out of Australia today - which I must do to avoid being illegal. So I reluctantly agree after which I'm checked in, my bag is tagged and I race to security and on to my departure gate.

The flight is unpleasant not because of anything on the part of the airline but because I am a massive bundle of stress. I try in vain to sleep because I know I'll be up late at the hotel online and making phone calls. I reflect on some of the lighter moments I've had with friends discussing having to "fight" to remain in Australia - a few suggesting that I "return on a boat" (topical/current local issue of a spike in asylum seekers) while another took a historical line musing that in the not too distant past "all I needed to do was steal a loaf of bread and I'd be sent here for free."

Immigration in Bali is what I would call a pretty standard experience - it costs US$10 for a visa which could be bought on arrival. But as I collect my luggage I'm approach by two guys in uniform who insist on taking my bags from me. Naturally I thought I was subject to a random security screening as is now common in many airports. One wheeled my suitcase while the other carried my hand luggage, first to a security scanner then past a customs desk. We turn a corner where they stop and demand US$10 EACH (!!) to return my property. My fuse is already pretty short - aside from the fact that I feel deceived they've wheeled my stuff the grand distance of about 25 metres - but I have no energy to argue so I give up the remaining US$11 in my wallet and take my bags back before exiting the building. Nobody has had their hands on my luggage since.

My airport-hotel transfer is there to meet me but we have to wait for another guest so I stand (im)patiently to one side. After 25 minutes the driver comes back - this is apparently his wait time limit so we leave. It's only a short distance from Denpasar airport to my hotel in Kuta but the traffic crawls and I'm not sure the driver got out of first gear. This is doing nothing for my nerves.

By now I've figured out that neither my Australian nor Irish SIM cards will work here. I knew the Australian one wouldn't but I'm pretty annoyed with 3 Ireland who assured me my Irish one would.

I check in to the hotel around 11pm knowing I will be checking out again in the morning - reason being I have an overnight dive trip booked to the north side of the island. After changing some money and buying an internet card I make my way to my room - concierge staff insist on assisting but I'm just not interested.

I don't unpack but reach immediately for my laptop and head straight for eVisitor visa application website which I have bookmarked. I plough through the application in a couple of minutes and consider changing my return flight now but any confidence I had of visa approval much less a quick one is completely eroded so I pull down as many contact numbers as I can find for immigration offices as well as airlines. Even if I have no mobile phone, I can at least hope to make calls through Skype. Fortunately it works and I use up the remainder of my time talking gibberish at my best friend who helps calm me down (thank you) so I can go to sleep. There's not much else I can do tonight except try to rest - it's now 1am and I have to be up again at 6.

Saturday 28th November

It comes as no surprise that I am wake before either my alarm call or phone alarm have a chance to do their job. I re-arrange my packing as I plan to take an overnight bag only on the dive trip. Ordinarily I wouldn't take my laptop anywhere near water but under the circumstances I feel on this occasion I have no option. I check out and send my large bag to storage before grabbing breakfast despite having zero appetite.

Reception staff kindly allow me use one of their internet computers without charge for the two minutes it required to check my email. I can't begin to describe the feeling of relief when I saw "NOTIFICATION OF GRANT OF AN EVISITOR..." appear on the screen in capital letters. My focus shifts to my flight but unfortunately I have to get off the computer - I should be in the lobby waiting for the diving people anyway.

They're 15 minutes late. I purchase an internet card and attempt to phone JetStar via Skype. I'm about two minutes into the call and about to give my credit card information when dive staff enter the lobby. I try to continue but my Skype call - whose audio quality has been awful - finally cuts out and at this point I'm just about ready to break something.

The AquaMarine Diving staff - some locals, some ex-pats - and I introduce ourselves and I explain what's going on. I'm obviously not explaining the situation properly enough so they understand. So I strip it down to the bare minimum: "I'm desperately trying to change a flight but have no phone and (now that I'm away from my hotel) no Internet access." We have a chat about what I would like to do and they very kindly offer to try to change my flight for me while I'm on the excursion with them, which I jump at. So I scribble down booking & flight details and about 5 phone numbers and drop them off at their office which we call in at to collect one of the other guides.

I know in my heart heart they're trying their best but after a morning waiting for phone calls that came in when Janri is either away from his phone or we are underwater I start to really worry again. Over my lunch and against my better judgement I provide my credit card details hoping they would be able to change the flight when they managed to get through but after returning from the afternoon dive I get the message that only the passenger can change the flight. Frustrating, but it's probably a necessary piece of red tape. So I have to make the decision to abandon my night dive, overnight stay (which is incidentally in the middle of nowhere with zero lines of communication) and dives next day - there was no way I would be able to enjoy things until I got this resolved.

After being dropped back at my hotel I attempt to check in for an extra night as they weren't expecting me until tomorrow. I'm sure people arrive on-spec at hotels all the time but given how difficult they managed to find it I began to wonder. After some concern over them not being able to bill my credit card things finally get resolved and I head to my room together with my luggage now returned to me and a freshly purchased Internet card. Again I skip unpacking but immediately get online. Thankfully the Skype call just about holds up and I'm able to get my return flight leg put back to what it was originally and I now have email confirmations of both it and my visa. PHEW.

Of course now that it's all over and I've written about it I can see things I could (should?) have done differently. It's funny how our thought processes get screwy under duress, isn't it? I think that's why as people we generally turn to somebody outside and thus unaffected by the system we're in and problems we're facing - they can look at things objectively and dissect them into manageable bits.

For now though I'm just glad to have the visa and my flight back to what it was. Hopefully I can now enjoy the rest of my time here but I don't think I'll actually relax until I'm back landside in Sydney.
 

Deportation day

 
Today is deportation day from Australia - I arrived here a year ago. I have to leave the country in order to apply for a tourist visa so I can hang around for one more [Touch] tournament. I must be the only person on the planet unhappy about a trip to Bali...
 

100 things restaurant staffers should never do

 
Interesting commentary by Bruce Buschel as published in the New York Times small business blog, "You're The Boss". I agree with 'most all of it.

• Part 1
• Part 2

 

The MOAB

The. Greatest. Burger. EVER.

Their chips are really good too - nicely thick but still crispy. Yum!

I get this monster served up as a wrap. What's on it? Pffft :-) what's NOT frickin on it?! --------->

The perfect salad

 
UNSW has a salad / pasta / juice bar in one of its food courts. You rock up and grab a takeaway box of lettuce, pick any 7 additions from the salad bar (you can add things like chicken or tuna for extra $) and a choice of about 10 dressings. They make it up right in front of you and you're away.

• Cos lettuce
• Chicken
• Sweetcorn
• Olives
• Sun-dried tomatoes
• Roasted capsicum (bell pepper for readers in the northern hemisphere)
  
• Beetroot cubes
  
• Parmesan cheese (shaved)
  
• Red onion
• Dressing - I usually plug for Thai or Sun-dried Tomato & Basil.

Mmm tasty...
 

Waking up in a dust bowl

I've never seen anything like this. It was like waking up in a scorched desert scene from a movie like Dune or Terminator 2 - an eerie orange crimson dawn permeating through my bedroom window. I wondered briefly if when I looked out would I witness Armageddon with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse wreaking divine havoc on the world. OK that last sentence is actually a lie but it made good reading ;p

Last night Sydney was blanketed by a monster dust storm, blown in by westerly gales of up to 100kph. Those winds continue to buffet the city as I write this lunchtime, the silver lining being that they seem to be lifting the dust away.

Of course the story and its many pictures are all over the press - here are two of the better articles and galleries as well as some of my own photos.
 

Disney vs. Marvel

 
So Disney has flexed its financial muscle once again, this time buying Marvel for US$4bn. Not quite sure how I feel about it yet because I have enjoyed material from both brands in my lifetime So for now I'll leave the analysis to somebody else.

I will say that my initial reaction to the news was a mishmash of fear and hope that each brand's characters would stay clean and un-merged from the other. But after looking through this worth1000.com gallery I have to admit the possibilities are rather exciting!

Graphics and design are things I have never been good at so I am absolutely blown away by these talented digital artists. Some of my favourites are embedded below.




 

The Sixth Sense

 
No I'm not referring to the movie.

This of THE COOLEST piece of technology I have ever seen. Introduced at TED2009, The Sixth Sense is: "...a wearable device with a projector that paves the way for profound interaction with our environment. Imagine "Minority Report" and then some."

Truly astonishing.


 

Not there yet

 
A delightfully cynical view of Dublin's public transport system - but alas there is truth in every second of it :-( Anybody from or living in London or Sydney should be able to relate to some of it too!


 

An economic stimulus story

 
An interesting but cynical view of the Australian Government's proposed economic stimulus package. If you're not aware, in February 2009 Kevin Rudd's government announced plans to begin handing out cash payments totalling AU$42 billion (approx. €22 billion at the time) to Australian workers and families with the first payments due in March.


===============


It is the month of June - a resort town sits next to the shores of a large lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich, fat-cat tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a $100 bill on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the $100 bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 bill, and runs to pay his debt to the pig raiser.

The pig raiser takes the $100 bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the $100 bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute who, in these hard times, provided her "services" on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the $100 bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the $100 bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, takes his $100 bill saying that he did not like any of the rooms and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt and looks to the future with optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Australian Government is doing business today also.
 

When a soldier comes home

 
This is an excerpt of something that arrived in my email this morning - and I will admit that it would ordinarily be trashed as spam without a thought - but for some reason today I am moved by its words.

Lately I've been reflecting on life, particularly my own and it's recent dramas, trying to put some perspective on things. This was a timely reminder that just made me stop and think - not about soldiers per se or trying to draw direct comparisons with them - but more generally about how in western society most of us are preoccupied with acquiring wealth, living comfortably and "problems" that if we really think about them are rather trivial in the greater scheme of what's happening in the world.


===============


When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard...









...to listen to his son whine about being bored.









...to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.









...to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work.









...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep.









...to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.









...to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower.









...to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.








...to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.









...to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.









...to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.









...to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.









...to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.









...to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.










...to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house.









The only thing harder than being a soldier... is loving one.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Adventures in Aussie Touch Footie Part 11 - Referee Recruitment & Retention Program

 
A couple of weekends ago I participated in the Referee Recruitment & Retention course. It does pretty much as it says in the tin - is designed to equip people to present the entry level referee course (recruit) and provide basic coaching to new referees as well as discuss support structures and the like in order to keep new recruits motivated and developing (retain).

One of the best modules was the DVD/video session where we had to watch a game and come up with coaching assessments of the referees. In a serendipidous little twist, the game NSW are currently using is one from Euros 2007 featuring yours truly! I remember at the State Cup one of the Panel telling me that I "starred" in a coaching video they're currently using and thinking that's probably not a good thing...

... and OH MY GOD wasn't it just PAINFUL to watch! Fcuk me that's really how I used to go? After much ribbing from the other aspiring coaches - I knew what they were going to say before they even opened their mouths - we just got on with it and picked each referee's game apart. It was a really good exercise.

There really is nothing like seeing yourself on video - it makes verbal feedback so much more obvious and amazingly (if you're tuned in to yourself) gives you a heightened sense of awareness of your body the next time you perform the activity you've watched. I've since found myself noticing and changing things in my game as I've noticed them on-field during a game.

Most participants are awarded a Level 1 Coach and Level 1 Course Presenter accreditation upon successful completion of the weekend. My certificates arrived in the post from TFA yesterday - Level 1 Coach and Level *2* Course Presenter.

On the fast track... how pleased am I :-)
 

Intelligent elevators

 
Most elevator systems have a simple call button on the floor you're waiting on and send you the most suitable next available one (based on whatever heuristic is implemented).

Sometimes you wait... and wait... and wait... as all the people get on and off on the floors between where you are and where the elevator was when you called it.

Then there are the ilk who stop the elevator to travel one or two floors - perfectly able bodied folk too - and always when you're attempting to travel many floors. TAKE THE STAIRS YOU LAZY GITS!
(In my experience it's usually been for one of their numerous daily smoke and/or coffee constitutionals (in addition to regular break time) which was another source of personal irritation as I consume neither.)

Fortunately one manufacturer (I can't remember which) with smart designers has come up with some relief :-)

At a Sydney office where I worked recently, the elevator suite had the building's floor levels as its call buttons. Yes, alarm bell and door hold aside, there were no buttons in the elevator cars! You pressed the floor you wanted to go to before you got anywhere near the near them - especially if you used the one beside the main building door. The system would then send one or more elevators based on which floors were currently required and indicate which ones were going to which floors.

Brilliant concept - love it - wish it was in place everywhere!